no, I'M breaking up with YOU!

WHY OH WHY CAN WE NOT GET MARKETING RESTRAINING ORDERS?

A while back we decided to cancel our DirecTV service.

The Goal:

-Watch less tv. Write more songs.
-Watch only what WE pick out (thru Netflix) and skip the advertising.



The customer service department at DirecTV seemed bewildered by this lifestyle choice and I tried to break it to them gently:

"We are not dissatisfied customers. You have delivered what you promised, but we just no longer want IT. Oh, and please be sure to put in our notes that we are very resolute about this decision and do not want to be asked again."

She informed me that they usually did not come back to remove the satellite dish which they installed on our roof because "we might change our mind."

"We won't. I just told you we are very resolute and do not wish to discuss this further."

"Yes, but we're not coming to pick it up in case the next people who live there want it."

"Ah, but this is MY house. I own it, so there are no 'next people' for many years to come."

"We still aren't coming to take it down. If you want it down, you'll have to do it yourself."

I informed her that I was NOW a dissatisfied customer.




Three hours later, I got a call from a salesperson asking me to come back. I told him that his company was worse than a whiney ex-boyfriend and really shouldn't be trying to win me back because I had expressed my explicit disinterest in retaining their services and reminded him that I was on the Do Not Call list.

Now they have taken an aggressive stance with me, sending me at least one piece of paper mail per week, threatening that this was my "last chance" to come back on the outside of the envelope, but alas when I open it up so that I can recycle the envelope and shred the letter, the letter takes that "Baby, I'm sorry it will never happen again" tone, promising me a free DVR, free HD access, and vague "upgrades." It's textbook behavior inviting me back into the cycle of abuse.




Does anyone know how to stop this cycle?

It's almost as if DirecTV can't handle the fact that I have broken up with them. Each week they must tell me it's my last chance to come back so that they can say, WE'RE breaking up with YOU!!!

HOW MANY TREES MUST DIE SO THAT DIRECTV'S EGO CAN BE SPARED?